I've rarely seen this form, and even more rarely have I seen it done properly--while still creating a good poem. Even without the form, the words stand on their own; the theme is a lovely one and I enjoyed reading it. The length fits it perfectly.

I would have to say that the last three lines feel out of place. "Inside, can hardly wait" doesn't match in particular; the prior lines maintain proper grammer/sentence structure, while that line omits "she." Furthermore, the last three lines feel disjointed and out of place against the flow of the earlier lines.

Nevertheless, it's a great piece, and I know that conforming to the form must have been difficult.

A beautiful poem in a somewhat rare form that is not used everyday. The story this poem portrays is of sweetness and innocence, the kind that makes immediate connection with the readers, pulling them inside the world with ease and grace.

Although, form-wise, this poem is excellent and stands by the criteria with elegance and somewhat mischievous nature, there’s a sudden drop in focus when you detach off the form and read it as-is on the eighth line – ”Inside, can hardly wait”. That line just don’t sit well with the flow and tempo of the rest of the poem, especially due to the word Inside, which disturbs the rhythm by feeling a little off with that punctuation and the capitalized letter.

Setting aside this little flaw the entire poem feels and melts on your tongue as you read, enjoying every word and a beautiful mesmerizing technique. More than well don!